Spring 2011:

"There is no way around it. I bought some dried pears because I like both pears and dried fruit, and they're delicious, but they look like labia. I feel really awkward now because I have been handing them out to coworkers all morning." -Beth
"Here's a labia, enjoy your day. Lady fruits for your lady. Lady Fruits for Your Lady and other awkward greetings or How I learned to alienate people."- Me
(pause)
"Seriously. We need to write that book." -Me


"You can do your turkey gobble and I'll do my eagle screech."-Me
"Ok but your voice will wear out long before my tongue." -Mitch
"That's what he said."- Me

"I would be less chaste for thee." -Me
"Thine harlotry is well taken."- Mitch

"Your modesty and chastity is really killing the fucking mood."-Me

"So you lick it and then, you blow in it?"- Tonya

"We didn't bump uglies. We bumped pretties." -Tenney

"As someone who has extraneous equipment, I can say that walking across a bar with your hand down your pants is considered odd. It's not proper etiquette." -Mitch

"What are you doing?" -Amanda
"Well you won't help me crack my back so I'm doing it on my own." -Wes
"You're backsturbating?" -Me

"Don't you think we're the most awesome dancers at the party?" -Tonya
"Let's just say you should be happy I'm a lawyer and not a doctor because I'd have to ask you about those seizures." -Me

"Because Butler won, I lost 6 inches on my tv screen size." -Larry
"Because they won, I gained 6 inches in my boner." -Amanda