January 2011:

"Those deers are mounted on each other."-Amanda
"Those deers? You mean them deers is a-fuckin?"-Courtney

"Put on my pants? What do you mean put on my pants? Don't tell me to put on my pants!"-Wes

"Birth control is like vitamins. One a day keeps the babies away."- Amanda

On liking a crazy girl: "That's designed by god. If you're a straight man, you don't have a choice."- Neil

"I nestled in your bosoms too long. I forgot."- Me

"I know what I'm doing when it comes to sex and smoothies... now to mix the two."-Me
"Smexies...I love those things."-Mitch

"How is thy morning going? (talking Amish today)"- Mitch

"When I was 8-9 I sent a postcard from Colorado to my dad that just said, 'Ice is cold.'"-Mitch

"Don't let me forget. I left my suits at your place."- Me
"Oh I thought you left them for me to wear." -Mitch

Mitch sent me a picture of cookies that look like butts with thongs.
"Note to self don't let Mitch make cookies."-Me
"But why?"- Mitch
"Because I would feel weird giving people thonged cookies."- Me
"I would not. I would serve them on a commemorative plate with a pic of Brett Favre's penis."- Mitch
"Note to self it Mitch offers to buy me a commemorative plate, just say no." -Me

"Thanks for the motivating email last night and pix message feedback on the dress! Barrister's tickets have been purchased. It's a go."- Amanda
"So you're thanking me for the electronic harassment I foisted upon you? Awesome. Next up, I'm tracking down Favre and sending you text messages. If you like technological harassment, I am always happy to step it up a notch."-Me
"Ooooooo I'm interested! He looks good in some Wranglers!" -Amanda

"That's how you know a man loves a women. He shares his fiber supplement." -Mitch

In response to news that animals are dying off en masse:
"My god. It's the apocalypse. REPENT!!!"- Mitch
"Can't we just do apocalypse Roman style and have many orgies and annex countries?"-Me
"That sounds ok too." -Mitch
"Sweet you bring the massage oil for the orgy and I'll bring the severed head on a pike to keep people away from said orgy."-Me
"Nothing says stay away from my orgy like a head on a pike." -Mitch

On radio tuning boobs:
"I'm not reaching Tokyo with these things but there seems to be a storm over the Pacific."-Mitch
"Is that what you're calling your balls?"-Me
"I am now."-Mitch

"I know this sounds weird, but my gloves smell like you from where I've been holding your hand and it makes me happy...and also possibly a mitten sniffer."-Me

After putting lotion of my hands:
"You're too white." -Kreeya, Neil's niece
"And you're clearly Neil's niece." -Me

"Mommy said I was a baby once too. And when I was a baby, I was in her tummy. Wanna know a secret?" -Kreeya
"What?"- Me
"I farted in Mommy's tummy!"- Kreeya