Summer 2008:

"I'm like the american language of food rules. For every rule, there are 17 exceptions."- Hendren

"And fluff and swoosh and fluff and swoosh. It's the latest dance craze." -Me

"Don't pin it to your brother's shoulder and make him bleed." -Me
"Why would I do it? How do you know you won't do it?" -ScoBu
"Because I can't reach your brother from here." -Me

"How old are you?" -JoBu's godfather
"25." -Me
"You're not married?" -JoBu's godfather
"No."- Me
"What do you do for a living?" -JoBu's godfather
"I'm an attorney." -Me
"Oh. Man-hater, right?" -JoBu's godfather

"So what did you think of the weeping Bolshevik?" -Terry
"She seemed perfectly lovely, very nice." -Me
(pause) "Ok now what did you really think?" -Terry

"You had to mention me peeing outside of the car?" -Branecki
"Well, Jobu couldn't go down alone. He'd be embarrassed." -Me
"Good sacrifice." -Branecki

"I'm going to call you Jonnethan Bonesteel with two n's and and and e. It works." -Terry

"You know, I'm going to be very disappointed if you turn out to be crazy." -Sears

"Excelsior. Go further." -Terry and Sears

"I would tap that, but I don't have the right equipment." -Ashley

"You're the maid-of-honor. The maidzilla-of-honor. The maid of honor-zilla." -Beth

"She's the weeping Bolshevik, Emily Dickinson in trousers. I wonder what a weeping Bolshevik is." -JoBu

"We're going to open a bagel shop and name it Atomic Bagels. We're going to have a chocolate bagel called the dark matter bagel. It's going to be filled with the simplest, stupidest sugars you can find."- JoBu

"It's squishalicious." -Me

"Unless the bitch is Oprah, I'm not giving it up." -Jeff

"Don't mess with my berries." -Some guy at the bar

"I just saw my future boyfriend... if only I hadn't brought my current one along." -Amanda

"You have some sort of disease where you choose to date substandard men." -Me

"Staying in indiana....check
marrying the first guy....check
getting immediately pregnant....check
bleary-eyed sense of accomplishment.....check" -Beth

"I knew it was going to be a strange day when the guy behind me on the plane took his shoes off and put his feet up on my armrest between me and my window, and kept touching my arm with his toes like a kneading cat." -Beth

"There should be more purse gun weddings." -Beth
"Yeah cause then it's like a cute little deadly surprise." -Me
"Just like you." -Beth

"Ta mere est bienfait=French for you suck at being someone I don't love." -Roomie

(when Chris wasn't answering his phone) "Get your phone out of Amanda's purse along with your balls." -Jeff

"That guy was checking you out." -Jeff
"Well, I am so digging on him too with those awesome diamond rings he's got on his fingers circa 1975." -Me
"Don't lie, it's the hawaiian shirt that's got you going." -Jeff
"With the unbuttoned, John-Travolta-Saturday-Night-Fever- chest hair popping out." -Me

"I don't like to think of it as cheating so much as being creative with my diet." -Amanda

"You guys are being bad aren't you?" -Mom
"No we really aren't." -Me
"I'm disappointed." -Mom

"If the interview goes down hill, you can just draw on a little Hitler mustache and tell them you'll only defend WASPs." -Jim
"I like guys with dark hair so that won't work when they get to know me." -Me
"Just tell 'em you're going slumming." -Jim

"But you've met some of those girls...they're repressed, but when it comes to penis, they'll kill their mothers for it." -Me

"I would love to meet the man who could rope the wind that is Bone." -Stiddhartha

"Hi, I'm here for the interview, and I brought my entire life in this uhaul because once you meet me you won't be able to live without me." -Beth

"Have you ever thought about wedding planning for a business? You'd be good at it." -Me
"I'd probably kill someone if I had to do this for them, because with my luck I'd get some princess who wants ice sculptures and swans or some shit." -Beth
"Ice sculptures of swan shit. Honey, look, they're shaped like poo." -Me
"Isn't that darling?" -Beth

"You're like a jackrabbit, on velociraptor crack." -Me

"Every time that lady puts her hands behind her while doing something that resembles dancing, I hope she'll pick her hungry butt. But she never DOES!" -Hendren

"He is not tall enough to ride this ride." -Jen

"If he can play me like he plays his guitar, I wanna hold him tight and ride him." -Jen

"Do you have curly hair? Too awkward to date women? Look like a hobbit? Pull your pants up too high? You TOO can date Amanda Hendren." -Me

"I'm sorry was that a spasm?" -Jen on someone's dancing
"Heart attack." -Me

"We, the three of us (Amanda and her boobs) show up and it's a party." -Hendren

"Damn, that was your chance." -Jen
"I should've grabbed his ball sack then." -Hendren

"This is clearly your first rodeo so sit back 'cause I'm going to ride the bull now."-Hendren

"This shirt is pretty tit-tastic." -Hendren
"You don't wanna worry about you shirt and you'll worry about it all night long until it ends up on someone's floor." -Me

"I didn't realize we were walking the street tonight." -Me
"What do you mean we? It's just me, I don't like the competition." -Hendren

"That woman is so old she thinks ankle bracelets are sexy." -Hendren
(the band is playing RHCP) 'give it away, give it away, give it away now'
"She's too old to give it away now...or ever."-Me

"Dancing with a black man does not equal rhythm." -Me

"We are cunt-punting this bitch." -Hendren

"She's a whore cubed."-Jen

"Give her a twat swat."-Lisa

"Her fuckin raccoon eyes, and Amy Winewhore splotched skin, her meth toting, hair receding self." -Hendren

"She's a whore, not a who-ore, a plain straight whore."-Hendren
"But you're not bitter or anything and that's what matters."-Jen

"I was kind of hoping he would show up before I started drinking so he could see I'm a real person, but he can judge me all he wants." -Hendren

"No cornclairs at my wedding. I'm putting my foot down." -Beth

"Let me tell you about that stupid whore. You know it wouldn't be a good work environment for me if there wasn't someone for me to hate." -Hendren

Beth: what should i get jon for his birthday?
me: get him a grady sizemore autograph
Beth: only if I get it in person ;)
me: in that case you could have his autograph put on your boob, that way jon could forever see his two greatest loves at once
Beth: 3 greatest loves...I have 2 boobs

me: your mom is too hot
Beth: true. what did she do this time?
me: everything

"Scattergoat, scattergoat, does whatever a scattergoat does." -Me

"Larry Blaze." -Beth
"The perfect combination of metro and macho." -Me

"I wish they had a cure for boy crazy." -Me
"You'd be rich." -Beth

"It's too dirty, gotta wipe it off, but I'm gon' get it." -Beth (on ass)

"I can't wait for Jbo to kick your ass." -Jeff to Bobby
"To be honest, I'm kinda looking forward to it, too." -Bobby

"This is your get lucky state." -Me
"Which is why I can never come back."

"It's fuckin Boston, it's fuckin, fuckin Boston. ba da ba da da da la...wait for it...whoooo!" -Hendren

"I'm gonna find me a cougar. If she's not 45 with 4 kids, I'm not gonna dance with her." -Jeff

"I'm not drunk, I'm fun!" -Hendren

"It's 9:00 and I'm drinking. What are yooouuuu doing?"- Hendren

"You haven't been interested in basketball since I don't know when." -Hendren
"Since he started looking like a basketball." -Bobby

"I want a flatbed truck...and to be called cooter." -Bobby
"Being in southern indianapolis does not make you from the south." -Me

"Why does the men's talk about snatching life from death when the women's only talks about fear? Just because I have a vagina doesn't mean I can't snatch life too." -Me
"I'm gonna snatch life from death with my vagina." -Angel

"Vaan hates his roommate really badly and asked me if I thought he could stick his weiner under the door and pee in his room. I told him that he couldn't do it if he laid on his side, but if he was flexible and stuck his legs upside the door, it maybe could happen." -Angel

"I needed a booty song. Thank you for supplying one." -Mom