Summer 2006 Quotes:

"It's not shameful to be ignorant, just unhandy." -Lady in Salon

"I have high standards in theory, I just haven't put them into practice yet." -Kate

"I think you should buy these shoes (light-up, crystal clear, stripper-stilettos) and wear them in front of your grandma." -Kimi
"She'd just say that those kind of shoes cause your back to hurt." -Me
"It's not the shoes that cause your back to hurt. It's the throwing yourself around that stripper pole while wearing them that cause your back to hurt." -Kimi

"He's got to be the worst president in history. And he talks about the forefathers. Does he even know who they are?" -Monique
(In my Bush voice) "The forefathers are George Bush Senior, Dick Cheney, Norman Schwarzkopf, and Ronald Reagan." -Me

"Sometimes it's hard to tell the sex of someone when they get old." -Kiesha

(A big woman just falls out of her chair for no apparent reason.)
"I was about to go get a donut and that reminded me why I should leave the donut alone." -Me

"I can't wait to talk with the old people all day." -Sarah
"Can we be sure to call them old people instead of the elderly all day?" -Alex

"I heard voices." -Kiesha
"In your head?" -Sarah

"I have the key to unlock a car, but I think it will unlock the key to your heart like the junk of my trunk." -Andrew

"Who's the genius who set up the wireless but didn't tell anyone the password?" -Me
"That would be Miles." -Andy
"It's probably something stupid like 'Miles is hot'." -Sarah
"You think Miles is hot?" -Donna
"Yes, and if he's available to procreate later, please let me know." -Sarah
"You don't think your boyfriend is hot?" -Donna
"Can't I think my boyfriend and Miles are hot?" -Sarah

"He's cell phone-challenged." -Sarah
"Wait, isn't he a physicist?" -Andy
"Oh he can build you one, but he can't turn the thing on." -Sarah

"These vegetables are cut all wrong. They are inedible." -Ellen

"Be in the conference room in 5 minutes or you won't know how to party." -Ellen

"The U.S. is the Paris Hilton of the world: young, rich, and kind of a whore." -Sarah

"It's not the crack, it's the getting caught that hurts you." -Sarah

"When you have given birth to an ugly child, it stops being a Vagina and becomes a Vagin-er. When you're a virgin, it's a Vir-gina." -Amanda

"And bitches, I will beat your face in the concrete. hehe." -Amanda

"When they say snap your fingers doesn't it sound like snap your bibles?" -Christie

"Whose boyfriends have you been fucking to get that kind of feedback?" -Me

"I love Jee-Sus. Not Jesus. Jee-Sus." -Amanda

"Al-co-holic. Al-co-holic. Al-co-holic." -Amanda (sung to the tune of Hallelujah)

"Is it o.k. that you've come to see JBo and instead of talking to you she's macking on guys? -Daniel
"That's JBo. When you come to see JBo, that's what you do." -Amanda

"He said, 'It hits the clit the right way if you know what I mean'." -Court
"What if you know what I mean? When you say 'if you know what I mean' it implies that you're using innuendo to mask what you're actually saying! What else could he possibly mean? There's no innuendo in that!" -Me

"The black car is a beast. It will Tonka Truck you." -Amanda

"I have to pee. OOOOOHHHH I could get in the pool!" -Amanda

"Well you have to figure that teams that are used to playing in the heat have a slight advantage to those who don't when they're playing a match in that kind of weather." -Me
"Well I really feel that the real issue is global warming and if we fix that problem, all the inequalities of World Cup scocer will even themselves out." -Adam

"That's rarer than a sane scientologist." -Adam

"I don't like to get to the bottom of things. I like to be on top." -Kiesha

"A daiquiri is just a liquor-fied snoball." -Kiesha

"If I'm going to have kids I need to get up on the stick." -Monique

"Why you gotta be all up in her Kool-Aid for Kiesha?" -Me
"Because I like punch, that's why." -Kiesha

"It's red drink. Red is a flavor." -Kiesha
"Red is not a flavor." -Mark
"Yeah it is. Purple's a flavor. It ain't grape juice and it ain't soda. It's purple drink." -Me

"Oh my little Oreo girls." -Monique

"It's a white church. I mean the building is white, not the people." -Keisha

"Anyone can spell something correctly. It takes a genius to spell it the wrong way. And when it comes to spelling my name, there are a lot of geniuses in this world." -Keisha

"You can't walk around New Orleans by yourself like that. This is not Indianapolis. You need someone to walk with you." -Bill
"I'm wearing a cocktail dress. I can find an escort to take me anywhere I need to go. There are police right downstairs. They can walk me to my car." -Me
"Police have never escorted me anywhere when I asked them." -Bill
"Yes, but again, you're not wearing a cocktail dress." -Me